Curse this Blessed Dress

First of all, this "Simplicity" brand of clothing patterns has a marketing strategy of pure deception. This project was nothing even close to anything deserving such a brand name. You bunch of liars. And I guess that in all fairness, I technically have never sewn anything real. But still. The stress of understanding that pattern jargon and sewing itty-bitty-tiny arm holes and hearing my mediocre sewing machine make scary loud dissonant sounds while it jammed up a bazillion times when I was attaching the gathered skirt to the bodice had to have taken years off of my life. At least months! I never knew I could feel such strong negative emotions towards a sewing machine. Or a dress. Or a company named "Simplicity."

But alas, thanks to the last minute rescuing help of my sister and mother, around midnight on Saturday night before the baby blessing, it was complete. And it even turned out beautiful, beautiful enough for Chloe's 8-pound beautiful self to wear.

So I changed a few things from the pattern--namely, the neck hole, the sleeves, the ruffled skirt, and the way it closes in the back. I also added a ribbon and coordinating broach to the front. I loved the way the tied up, almost corset-inspired bodice back turned out. I also learned that my machine can make button holes. I just love technology.

We polished off her look with a beautiful tiny baby bracelet made by her Aunt Dana and a headband that was similar to the applique on the front of the dress.

So as you can imagine, she looked dainty and perfect for her special day. 

Was it worth making the dress? I guess.

I'll post pics of her in it sometime when I have a chance!

Chloe's Nursery

 

I thought long and hard about how I wanted our baby's nursery to feel. I decided on simple, elegant, and heavenly--oh, and gender neutral. Dustin and I (let's be honest. It was mostly Dustin.) spent a weekend this Summer building and installing the custom wainscot, I painted the room a shade of gray named "anonymous" and we went from there. After Chloe was born, we were able to add a few light pink touches.  It's probably my favorite room in our home--which is good--means I spend hours upon hours each day and night rocking our baby in there.

 

Here is Chloe's crib quilt I finished at last! This "easy" quilting pattern turned out to be a real doozie.

 

Now she just needs to age a tad so she can sleep in there.

Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen.

Today is Chloe's official due date, holy cow. Time is going by fast. It's hard to believe our baby is almost 6 weeks old.

 

 

 Here are some pictures I snapped of her this afternoon on my phone:

 

Chloe is about 6 1/2 pounds now and is 20 inches long and definitely has blue eyes. She sleeps all day long but usually stays awake in the mornings for a couple of hours. She goes through about 8-9 newborn diapers each day and eats well. She's doing well with tummy-time and is tracking objects and people. She also seems to have a fairly mild temperament, so far! She lets out a cute little cry about once every three days or so.

Chloe loves taking warm baths, sleeping against our chests, and being swaddled up tight. She's been my easiest newborn. I love how tiny she still is and am really soaking in the time I have with her while she's still so snuggly and small. It's nice that we got a few extra weeks to get to know each other.

The End of Month 10

 So, we did everything that everyone else did for Halloween-carved pumpkins, ate soup, asked strangers for candy.

Jack was Captain Hook, Lillie was a jellyfish, and Chloe was a baby skeleton.

 

 

Chloe and I stayed home and passed out candy to the cute kids in the neighborhood. All 15 of them. We also gave the teenagers super intense glares while dropping in a single piece of off-brand candy into their bags.

 

And to be brief in closing, Lillie has taken up another hobby. It's called "sewing." This is the dress she fashioned up to wear to church made entirely out of Afghanistan's. I mean afghans.

Chloe's Story

Chloe was born exactly 3 weeks ago from today on October 4th, 2013. Her gestational age right now is 37 1/2 weeks making her 40-week "due date" November 12th, 2013. Even when you count back the 8 months to when we found out we were having a baby, Chloe's story really starts much further back than that.

Just a few months after Jack was born I was at Target with Lillie in the basket of the cart and Jack fast asleep in his car seat holstered to the front by me. We had just checked out and were walking to put the cart away by the food court when all of a sudden I thought that one of our kids, a little boy, was missing. I was staring at both of them, Lillie and Jack, then let out a slight sigh of relief that all of my children were right there with me. I just knew then that there was a little boy missing from our family. These same occurrences happened dozens of times to both Dustin and I.

Now I know, I know. Our missing little boy ended up being a little girl--but I'll get to that later.

Just over a year later in May of 2011 we finally decided to have another baby. We had no idea that 23 emotionally exhausting, tear-filled months would follow. With each month that went by I began to feel more depressed and what started out of just being a bad day would turn into an entire bad week, until they just all became bad months. When other people would announce they were pregnant I had a very difficult time coping with the news. In November that same year, we experienced the pains of having a miscarriage. However, the worst moment was in January of 2013 when we were at Disneyland one night. It was devastating. It was difficult for both Dustin and I to not let Lillie or Jack see us both crying outside of the bathroom as we waited for the Color of Wonder show to start.

This next part is going to sound super-lame, let me forewarn you. But I decided to tell a few friends in my choir about what had been going on. (yes. I love choir.) To make a long story short, the choir began praying for me and our family. Many even participated in a special fast. I'll never forget my teacher, Brother Kempton, whole-heartedly praying for me and the desires of my family one day at the start of our rehearsal. The very next month we found out we were expecting. It could have been a movie, or something, It was magic.

Dustin and I decided years prior that when we were blessed with another baby that we wanted to be surprised and not find out the gender. There would be nothing to lose since we have a girl and a boy already, and it might be fun. Well let me tell you, the entire pregnancy we thought it was a boy. Well, sometimes I thought it could be a girl and would think about all the cute clothes of Lillie's that had been put away for over five years and all the cute hair bows and tiny and shiny Mary Jane shoes. But I just knew it was a boy deep down in my heart. 

On Sunday night, September 30th, I began to freak out. It was like all of a sudden I panicked that we could have a baby soon and nothing was ready. Nothing. The next day I went shopping and bought everything I needed for the new baby--everything from a girl and boy newborn outfits to travel sized toiletries to a new bathrobe for the hospital to even breast milk storage bags. Dustin and I went on a huge grocery shopping trip and that night made 17 freezer crock pot meals. We put up the crib, the bassinette, and I packed my navy blue SHS XC duffle bag with everything I would need to bring to the hospital and put it in the baby's closet next to our new un-expired car seat. Even though we had 6 weeks to go, we were ready, baby.

On Thursday, October 3rd, my sister left to run her annual marathon in St. George (which she rocked at and finished in 3 hours and 31 minutes and qualified for the Boston Marathon... btw) and dropped off four of her daughters for me to watch for the weekend. We joked about me going into early labor with 6 kids running around here, but with over 5 weeks until my due date, I knew it wasn't going to happen. Plus, at my appointment on Tuesday a couple days before, I was not dilated, not even effaced.

So naturally I began to freak out again when at noon that Thursday I began spotting. Scary. I called the doctor immediately and was given the instructions to just go on bed rest for the rest of the day. They assumed the spotting was from being checked a couple days earlier, but because I had also been experiencing some strong Braxton Hicks contractions (of which were not regular between intervals), they told me to lay down on the couch for the entire day.

That night the Braxton Hicks contractions were so strong they were bringing me to tears. However, they were still not very regular. Dustin went to sleep and I tried to go to sleep but kept waking up from pain. At 2AM they were 15 minutes apart. I have absolutely no idea why I didn't wake up Dustin to tell him. At 7AM they were 6-8 minutes apart and STRONG. Dustin woke up, saw me laying next to him with tears in my eyes and in severe pain and said, "Okay. We're going to the hospital, Erika." I got up to pee to find that the entire toilet was full of blood. He frantically called his mom to come over and our 11-year old niece, Rachael, took care of the younger kids while I stayed in our room doing my hair in-between contractions. We thought for sure the doctors would just stop the contractions because I just wasn't suppose to have that baby yet.

We got to the hospital at 8AM and contractions were 3-5 minutes apart. I was dilated to a 5 and because my water partially broke, there was no stopping anything. It was horrible. I even remember saying to Dustin that I didn't remember labor hurting this bad before! Because I never had the Group-B strep test, they administered antibiotics through an IV just in case. The nurse kept telling me that there must be some reason why my body was going into labor. I felt so scared and unprepared. I kept thinking that I wasn't suppose to have a baby that day. I obviously wasn't planning on it, but the thoughts of everything that could go wrong kept swirling about in my head and I felt anxious. The NICU nurses came in to talk to me and to tell me about what to expect. It was obvious that our baby would end up there, we just couldn't predict how long. I called my SIL, Alli, who unluckily only has had NICU baby's, and talked to her. I don't even remember what I asked about and what she said, but I know it brought me comfort.

Everybody who has ever seen me in labor tells stories of weird things I say after I get that blessed epidural. It's vague to me now, but Dustin swears that I had a conversation with the kind anesthesiologist about Carol Hones and Jay Hildebrandt and supposedly began singing "Wednesday's Child!" in full voice. There must have been a logical reason for this.

After the antibiotics were finally done being administered, the doctor broke the rest of my amniotic sac (water) and all of a sudden it was time. Dustin got all suited-up, and Doctor Leavitt stood next to Dustin and gave him step-by-step instructions about how to deliver the baby. I had two amazing nurses on either side of me and Dustin right in front of me smiling. One contraction later, Dustin gently laid our new baby on my stomach. She was crying, and so were we! We were so surprised to find out that the baby that had been violently kicking my ribs for several months was actually a sweet baby girl. She was tiny and warm and looked just like Jack. It was 3:09 PM.

Apparently after she was born, an unusual amount of blood followed. The NICU staff pumped over 20 cc's of blood from her stomach and after giving her some oxygen and weighing her, etc, they wheeled her away with her Dad right there with her. Doctor Leavitt then discovered that I had an abrasion in my placenta-thus causing the spotting and bleeding and contracting and early labor. Apparently it's rare and unpreventable, but thankfully my body went into labor because even just one more day of her in there swallowing all of that blood could have potentially been fatal for her.

About an hour and a half later, I was able to go to the NICU to hold our baby girl for the first time. Dustin had already given her her first bath and she had on a purple and white hair bow. I couldn't get over how beautiful she was and how sweet she was. I had forgotten how sweet and pure a newborn feels. I was so proud of her. I felt so much love and so much gratitude for being given such a sweet baby. We named her Chloe Elizabeth.

The next 7 days were a blur but are vivid at the same time. Chloe ended up needing oxygen, antibiotics, IV fluids, high-intensity billi lights, some high-calorie supplementation, and a warm incubator to keep her body temperature stable and warm. She had so many cords and monitors on her constantly monitoring her heart rate, oxygen levels, how many breaths per minute she was taking, and her temperature. Everything had to be pristinely documented including how many minutes she ate for at every feeding and how many grams her diapers weighed and even what her glucose levels were every six hours. Chloe lost 14% of her body weight and was just 4 pounds 8 ounces when we brought her home on Friday, October 11th.

Those 7 days at the NICU were full of disappointment and gratitude. We were told we could bring her home on Monday, but then that changed to Wednesday, then that changed to Thursday, then finally Friday. Every day spent in the NICU felt like a week. But Chloe needed to be there. We have an increased amount of gratitude for the knowledge and experience and technology that she received from the best nurses, doctors, and specialists. But it was still hard and at times felt unmanageable and dark. Having Dustin go back to work on Monday and finding people to watch the kids and pick up Lillie from the bus or from school every single day, and still finding energy to celebrate Jack's 4th Birthday and going from excitement and joy of finding out you get to bring your baby home to utter devastation when they say it will be another 24-48 hours was just hard.  Just so hard. So yes. those days were full of disappointment and complete gratitude at the same time.

I ended up writing out 14 thank you card's to 14 different families that helped out during that week. So many people stepped up and offered help at a time when we most needed it. On top of that, we received many text messages, phone calls, voice messages, cards, gifts, and prayers. The support and love helped sustain us.

And now she's been home for 2 weeks and it's all over. She weighed in on Tuesday at 5 pounds and 7 ounces and is gaining about 1 ounce per day. She also grew from 18 to 19 1/2 inches! She's still only .16% (not 16%, just .16%) but the doctor's are pleased with her growth. She's just beginning to outgrow her Preemie outfits and onesies and finally graduated from a folded over Preemie diaper to a newborn sized one, but she is still our sweet and tiny baby girl. The kids love her, but we love her more than they do and it's incredible to think that her Heavenly Father loves her more than we do. It's unfathomable.

Those painful 23 months seem so distant right now as I'm holding her all swaddled up on our bed typing out her story. She's perfect. She looks peaceful when she sleeps and still acts like a brand-new newborn. Our prayers have consisted of nothing but total gratitude for this perfect family and perfect daughter we've been given. There is no greater happiness. None.

 

 

And FYI, we still feel like there's a little boy missing. :)

Meet Chloe Elizabeth Miller

Chloe was born on Friday, October 4th at 3:09 PM. She came into this world weighing just 5 pounds, 4 ounces and was 18 1/2 inches in length. After immediately finding out it was a girl (surprise!), and from the first time we heard her soft cry, we were instantly consumed with love and complete adoration.

Nesting at Biblical Proportions

Alrighty. I'm officially down to my weekly doctor appointments now. I feel huge and beautiful at the same time with this 35 week tummy. Huge mainly due to every flipping pregnancy app telling me that my weight gain is in the "excessive" range. Beautiful because it's a blessing and privilege to have a baby you helped make grow inside of your body and to feel their gentle kicks and twists.

We still have no idea if it's a boy or a girl. Dustin (for the most part) thinks its a boy, but lately I've been thinking it's a girl. We have a whole slew of names picked for either. Lillie and Jack enjoyed picking out the "leaving the hospital" outfits and blankets.

 

 

After and extensive 2-full carts grocery shopping trip, Dustin helped me put together 17 freezer crock-pot meals. I've also been doubling up on my enchiladas and lasagna and things like that to freeze.

Bam! Dinner's done.

 

We've also been busy doing yard work, gardening, canning over 100 quarts, hand-shucking/freezing 175 ears of corn from said garden, building and installing wainscoting, making two headboards, finishing the playroom downstairs, building shelves and organizing the storage room, sewing, and cutting down even MORE trees. Dustin is having a love-affair with his chain saw. But it's a win/win because I love that I can see out of my bedroom window now. We have chopped down a total of 23 trees since moving in, and we still have like, 60 or something.

 

I am obsessed with our Jack Sprat. We get to spend 4 hours each morning together, just us two, while Lillie's having a blast at Kindergarten. We do crafts, play Legos, take walks, read books, go to the library and zoo, and snuggle and watch cartoons together. He is hilarious and sure can talk your head off. After reading one of his "No David" books, he decided to see what a bar of soap tastes like. For some reason I didn't oppose the idea. However, instead of a lick, he took a full-on bite with his teeth straight into a bar of Dial.

It was hilarious.



 

Dustin loves working with the scouts and has been able to go camping like, 8 times this year. The scouts in our Ward picked the cycling merit badge and last month finished the 50 miler. It was a lot of work, considering they had to do 2 10-milers, 2 15-milers, 2 25-milers, and 1 50-miler.

 

I'm still loving my calling as an Activity Day leader for the 10 and 11 year-old girls.

 

My hospital bag is packed, our dinners are already done, we have an extensive food storage, we have five Sam's Club-size boxes of diapers and wipes, the bassinette is assembled, and every single closet and drawer is clean and organized--including Dustin's gun cabinet. I'm waiting for my rocking chair and curtains to come in the mail, and that's about all I can do! I'm thinking about going outside today and painting our shutters black. I've also been needing to shampoo the upholstery in our car.

Don't you worry, I'll find something to do.

Kindergarten

 

I unexpectedly started crying after I drove away from the elementary school. Thankfully I thought before-hand to laminate a picture of our family to put in the front pouch of her backpack. Apparently that gracious idea was a tad more for my weird, conceded self than for her... because she loved her first day and had a blast.

Toothless and Six

See? There's proof. Once upon a time about 5 1/2 years ago I had a chubby daughter. And she was the sweetest. And you would never recognize her now because she is basically only 1 foot shorter than me and weighs a whopping 42 pounds. But she still has that beautiful dirty blonde hair and those striking blue eyes, and she is still the sweetest.

 

So now I need to get over that she's not that perfect baby anymore who never cries or has a messy face and who is always content with whatever the situation brought upon. Now she is 6. She is going into AM Kindergarten in exactly one week from today and will be the tallest, most confident, and smartest kid in class. I just know it. I mean, forget learning letters and sounds--she can read. And she can do real addition and subtraction problems. In her head.

And she's friendly and compassionate and will be nice to everyone. So naturally I'm proud- but also sad at the same time. That sweet baby girl of mine will be riding that huge bus without seat belts without me. I mean, really. What if someone tells her that those dust particles you see in the window when the sun is shining is not real fairy pixie dust and that a tiny fairy did not just flutter by without anyone noticing?

I will find that kid and punch him. (just kidding. And sorry for assuming it will be a boy. A dumb boy.)



 

I've let her live in this magical fairytale full of music and dancing and rainbows and toys that come to life when you're not looking for six years. I mean, just yesterday she colored a picture with her markers of a "rainbow fairy store that sells Birthday supplies."

Happy 6th Birthday, sweet Lillie Josephine. Our family loves and needs you.

10-Day Hiatus

I found out that Fall Semester at BYU-I doesn't even start until September 18th. But still. The thought of starting another semester, even if it's still a month away makes me want to throw up. Really. Actual vomit.

There have been moments here and there when I start to get extreme anxiety about not doing my homework. Then I remember that I don't have any homework. And then my heart relaxes and happiness returns to my core.

That being said, we just returned home from a long, tiresome, blissful "vacation." Because I have had about 5 days off between semesters the last 2 years and because Dustin started up a small business and seriously could NOT take off work for more than four hours at a time, we haven't seen the Pacific Northwest for 2 1/2 years. It still felt like home crossing over the 205 bridge and even though everything has changed... nothing has changed at the same time.

We left our house on Friday, August 2nd and headed straight to Bear Lake (Baby Bear Lake, as Jack calls it) where we spent Friday-Sunday at the Miller immediate Family Reunion. We ate delicious food, swam, played on the boats and jet ski's, and talked and talked about nothing and everything.

We got to my parent's house on Sunday at 11pm and spent the next four days picking blackberries and making 12 pints of blackberry jam, celebrating 3 Birthdays, school-clothes shopping in Portland, eating at Burgerville (multiple times), playing at some parks, going to the beach (eating at Mo's), spending 6 hours at OMSI, spending time on NW 23rd with my long-lost bestie's, and Dustin even got in a couple of long bike rides at sea level elevation.

My sister, Rachel, got married on Friday up at the Alderbrook Resort, South Puget Sound area. The wedding was beautiful and the weather was perfect. It was a good learning opportunity to teach our children (*ahem, ourselves) about what to do when you see 4 forks and 3 knives and 2 spoons in front of you. There were so many courses I can't even remember some of them. But we loved the clams, muscles, tri-tip steak, roasted vegetables, gnocchi, and all the drink we could handle. Lillie's favorite part was the dance floor where she earned herself two blisters! That is how fun it was.

We stayed at a large fancy lake house for Friday and Saturday nights. Saturday we drove to Seattle only to find that the 405 was closed which made I5 INSANE. We spent the afternoon at the American Girl Place (not as cool as LA, but still incredible for any doll-lover) and after my mom took the kids back via ferry, Dustin and I enjoyed our long-awaited 7th Anniversary date at the Mariner's Hall of Fame game where Ken Griffey Jr. was inaugurated as the seventh member. All of the Hall-of-Famers were there including Randy Johnson, Jay Beuner, etc, and we were in heaven during the ceremony before the game began. Besides the lady in front of me slithering straight sauerkraut into her mouth for about 10 minutes, it was awesome.

After our never-ending drive home via I-90 (15 1/2 hours), we were surprised to find we had both gained weight, but not really surprised at the same time. Thankfully we found out that the majority of that was water weight (if you had only seen how swollen my feet and ankles were. They had rolls. Actual rolls.) but it's still motivation enough to start buying Yoplait Light and fat free milk for a while. The next time I hop on the scale at the Doctor's office is going to be a doozie, my friends.

 The funniest smile I think she's ever made.

 

 

 

 

The end.