Tuesday, September 13, 2011

A Blessed Miracle!!!

This past Saturday I had a vocal audition to get into Music 155- private voice lessons. After talking to my incredible friend, Kaitlin (who majored in Vocal Performance from UW) she gave me a list of about 10 classical songs. I went to Chesbro for a while, and decided on 1 song, Caro Mio Ben... mainly because it was the easiest to learn, Italian-wise.

I practiced almost every day for about a month. I knew my Italian wasn't perfect, but I sang Italian songs when I was in voice in High School, so... does 6 years really make a difference???
YES.

My Audition was with the head of the music department. While waiting in the hall to go in, I couldn't help but observe that every girl singing in his office sounded like a professional Oprah singer. Crap.

My confidence plummeted, but I went in anyway with a smile. This is where it goes terribly bad.

The on-site accompianist (bless his heart) wasn't so great. I sang the first line for him while snapping the tempo, but of course, he played it rediculously fast. Now, what i SHOULD have done, was stop him and correct the tempo. Oh, but what did I do?? I went along with it. So, after feeling disconnected from the mood and feel of the song, I forgot my words 2 times, almost ran out of breath on a line, and just plainly- I sounded bad. No, not bad, really bad. It didn't help watching this guy frantically type who-knows-what on his laptop the entire time I was singing.

After the vocal part of the audition, there was a sight-reading exercise. We had to sight-read a Methodist Hymn. It was tricky. I think I did okay on it, though. We ended the audition by him telling me that I messed up the rhythem in 1 measure, and that my Italian sounded like Spanish.

Right after I left his office, I walked out the doors of the Snow Building and instantly started crying. And... pretty much kept crying for the rest of that day, Sunday, and Monday.

On Monday, I found out that out of the 60 kids that auditioned for this Major-Voice Lessons class, only 25 would make it. I "let myself down" and went home trying to think of ways that maybe I could retake it next semester, etc.. If I didn't get in, I would have to graduate a semester later.

To make an already unnessisarly long story shorter...
I checked the list today and I made it. It is seriously a miracle. I'm not even trying to sound modest- that audition sounded really bad.
I'm so grateful I got in! At the list posted on a bulletin board, there were girls left and right bawling and walking away. I feel very blessed to have somehow gotten into this class.

Oh, and BTW- this 2 credit class will not be as easy as I imagined. Not only do I have a private 1 hour lesson a week, but I also have 2 hour-long master classes, have to sing in some STAR recitals, and have to attend 8 choral events this semester. Gah!!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

What should I be doing right now?

Sleeping.

It's 2:50AM and I've been home from work for about 30 minutes. I'm having one of those nights where my mind is racing, and I can't fall asleep. Prolly because I'm stressed.

Now, those of you who really really really know me, know that I simply don't handle stress well. I get easily overwhelmed, lose patience, and cry and stuff. I've known about this little (ahem, big) problem I've had for years. Luckily, I was blessed to marry Mr. Dustin who is super laid back and very easy going. He balances me out perfectly and very patiently listens to me dramatize every detail of my life, then tells me he loves me and gives me a big hug.

I guess I'm just rambling on at this point, but I promise that I DO have something to say. If you don't really care about me, then I would suggest not wasting your time reading. It would be pretty boring to most people- but is therapeutic to me.

There are a few things going on right now that are making me feel a bit upset/stressed/overwhelmed.

#1
I'm super sad that some certain family members are moving away. I was so excited that Tyson married Alli because she's always been like a sister to me. You can't find a more kind, loyal, and honest friend. Sometimes I call her up and ramble on about everything and she listens. I'm pretty sure I'm in complete denial that she's leaving.
And of course Dustin is upset that his brother is moving. This is all from my point of view, but Tyson has played a very vital role for our family, especially the last year. He's helped us out in many times of crisis and is genuinly a carring person. Sometimes Dustin will get on a role about all the silly things those two would do to eachother growing up. It's crazy to think that after 20-some years of being enemy's, Tyson is now Dustin's closest friend.
I'm happy for their family. It sucks to move. I've never enjoyed uprooting my entire life and having to start over. It's not easy making new friends, figuring out where everything is, and feeling so disconnected from everything you know- but it really brings you closer as a family. All of our "adventures" have turned out to be incredible experiences that we wouldn't trade for anything. I know they'll be happy because they'll atleast have eachother.

#2
College. I start Wednesday (Sep 14th) and that will be the start of a 13-week sanity haitus for me. I will be driving to Rexburg and back 5 days a week and will be taking on a moderate load of 14 credits- including a math class (dun, dun, DUUUUNN!). Means Dustin is working buisilly, The chillins will be tended to via at-home daycare. I was blessed to have been reffered to this lady who has excellent references, serves healthy food, and does preschool along with childcare. AND IT'S AFFORDABLE! So why am I stressed? Because for 25 hours a week I will not be with my children. That may sound lame to some of you- but to me it's devestating. I (surprizingly) like my kids. I've never worked durring the day since Lillie was born and haven't been away from them very much, on purpose. I love being a mother, and I've always understood that I only have 20 years or so (1/5th of my life) to raise my children and I want to be at home and make sure I do the best that I can. It is, afterall, the most influencial and important job anyone could ever have. Sure, I sometimes randomly leave the house after Dustin gets home to drive to Target and walk around by all myself because the crying and tantrums get to me a little bit- but this is 25 hours a week for 20 months straight. I hate knowing that somebody else will be raising them. I don't know. I'm sure I'm dramatizing this also- but it's honestly how I feel.

(*disclaimer: I understand that every family and situation is different, and I'm not necessarily anti-daycare.)

#3
On top of school, I'm still working. And nope, I can't get out of that. My kindhearted boss told me I didn't have to work anymore on Tuesdays or Wednesdays, she's wonderful. Unfortunatly, I'm still working 2-3 nights a week. And those of you who really know me, or just kindof know me, know that I need my sleep or else I turn into some yotchy, critical, rude, unpleasant person.

Yeah. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. More than a disaster- it's a LIZASTER! (30Rock)

Gosh I'm tired.