I keep a pretty consistent hand-written journal. I suppose you could say that my blog is my journal also, but nobody ever really writes EVERYTHING on a blog when you know people will be reading it. Plus, I'm a fan of my handwritten journals. I can tell what sort of mood I'm in just glancing at each entry. My handwriting is all sorts of wack, and it's even more crazy and sharp-like when I'm upset or being dramatic about something. In the end, once or twice a year I'll sit down with an old journal and read back on past entries. I really like going back to as close to 1 year, then 2 years, then 3 years ago, and so on from that days current date and read exactly what was going on year by year (Wierd? Well, maybe.). There have been great times of sorrow and confusion, only to learn the WHY of it all a year or two or seven down the road. My journals have been a great resource for me, especially when I'm seeking more faith or more strength to just get through whatever the new battle is. I can better see the divine direction in my life.
So.... let's be honest.
This semester has been pretty rough. I've never been the roller-coaster emotional crier until about 11 days ago... I don't think I've gone one day without crying since then. Actually, I'm starting to annoy myself from all of it. I attribute this to midterms in general, but really, I feel that this could also be because I feel like I've completely neglected my children and husband lately, I just received an additional calling that I feel very intimidated and unqualified for, and the fact that 11 days ago my pregnancy test had only 1 line, for the millionth time in a row.
I cried in my voice lesson, I cried in the car listening to every Taylor Swift song (the current CD), and I cried to Dustin each night in bed knowing that the next day would be just as overwhelming.
So, back to the title thing. Divine direction.
My sister watched Lillie and Jack on Tuesday so I could go to the temple, it had been a few weeks. I got there pretty early and was able to spend some time alone listening to the kind Sister playing the organ. BTW-I hope she knows how much her simple calling of playing the organ meant to me. She was even exemplifying excellent musicianship skills with her phrasing and musicality and played all the really, really good hymns. I cried again. It felt so, just, good to be there. I hope heaven feels just like that. I prayed for strength, I prayed for my husband and sweet little's, I prayed to have more time with my family, I prayed to have all my studying and learning reflected on my exams, I prayed to be inspired in my callings, I prayed for another baby. I prayed for help.
Tonight is Friday, and in just 3 hours I was able to complete four classes worth of homework and write out our ward's Christmas Program in it's entirety. I even went through music and felt inspired on which songs to have the choir sing, solos to have performed, even speakers to say certain parts in between. I passed all of my exams this week with A's, and I was able to spend some time with just the kids after school today and took my family on a "family date" to Leo's Place. Dana even made us dinner one night "just because" not knowing how sometimes getting home at 6:15 and tucking the kids into bed at 7 can be really sad for me, especially when that tiny amount of time to spend together is spent making dinner. AND Tomorrow night Dustin and I have the night to ourselves. As of right now, the tightness in my shoulders is alleviated and I'm at some kind of content and peace.
I'm in gratitude of this help and comfort that took me 4 days to notice. This will be one of those journal entries that I can look back on oneday when life seems difficult and unfair and dramatic and overwhelming and just hard... and know that if I just ask for help, it will come.
Excuse me while I go to bed now and cry.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
Interrupting Chicken and Other Stories
I spend a great amount of time each day reading books to my children. I decided to share some of my favorites with all-a-y'all. It was difficult to narrow these down to five, but I think I might share more favorites later. Run to your library or find them on Amazon. They're awesome. And your kids will be smart.
Happy Reading!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
I hate your Iphone 5
Ok. Seriously. How the crap did I ever survive without a cell phone?
As of today, I have gone exactly 6 days without a working cell phone.
You heard me right--SIX DAYS.
I AM FREAKING OUT. I have resorted to e-mailing. Yes, e-mailing. (And don't think that's the last time I'll repeat the same statement in a dramatic way.)
Don't worry friends--I should be getting my replacement phone tomorrow.
The past 6 days have reminded me of a time of long, long ago (give or take 7 years) of what it was like to pre-plan everything. Instead of playing our schedules hour-by-hour via text messages and short phone conversations, Dustin and I have had to have real sit-down meetings early in the morning about what we are doing that day, when we would be home, what we would have for dinner, blah, blah and blah. I have to wait for HOURS to tell Dustin anything. That alone is insane. After this I feel like I can do anything.
So, apparently I've been spoiled and have grown accustom to this lifestyle.
Do you remember what it used to be like? For someone who used to have strong anti-cell phone views, I am feeling quite humbled. Because really, I might die if that phone doesn't come tomorrow.
BUT. I am still anti-Iphone. Fun fact: If you feel you need to narrate your life all day long via your awesome new iphone5, then you don't really have one.
But seriously, can I borrow your phone?
*disclaimer: I understand not every iphone5 owner acts in such obnoxious, self-centered, pompous ways.
As of today, I have gone exactly 6 days without a working cell phone.
You heard me right--SIX DAYS.
I AM FREAKING OUT. I have resorted to e-mailing. Yes, e-mailing. (And don't think that's the last time I'll repeat the same statement in a dramatic way.)
Don't worry friends--I should be getting my replacement phone tomorrow.
The past 6 days have reminded me of a time of long, long ago (give or take 7 years) of what it was like to pre-plan everything. Instead of playing our schedules hour-by-hour via text messages and short phone conversations, Dustin and I have had to have real sit-down meetings early in the morning about what we are doing that day, when we would be home, what we would have for dinner, blah, blah and blah. I have to wait for HOURS to tell Dustin anything. That alone is insane. After this I feel like I can do anything.
So, apparently I've been spoiled and have grown accustom to this lifestyle.
Do you remember what it used to be like? For someone who used to have strong anti-cell phone views, I am feeling quite humbled. Because really, I might die if that phone doesn't come tomorrow.
BUT. I am still anti-Iphone. Fun fact: If you feel you need to narrate your life all day long via your awesome new iphone5, then you don't really have one.
But seriously, can I borrow your phone?
*disclaimer: I understand not every iphone5 owner acts in such obnoxious, self-centered, pompous ways.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Tres Anos
And because no Birthday blog post can go without a little motherly-bragging...
Jack is fully potty trained, knows the alphabet (but hasn't quite developed those fine motor skills to write them legibly), can count to 27, sits long enough to read a 20 minute story, loves enchiladas, eggs, and PB&J sandwiches, can get undressed and can put his underwear, pants, shoes and socks and coat on, knows how to spell his and Lillie's name and recognizes them on paper, knows almost every nursery rhyme by heart, all the favorite Primary songs (including many of the article of faith songs) can ride a bike super fast (still with training wheels), combines 5-9 word phrases, sleeps for 10 hours a night, loves the color blue, loves taking baths, and is excellent at imaginary play. Jack weighs 33 pounds (60% for everything) and as of today, sits in a high-back booster seat. He's bashful and sweet, but can be animated and silly. Jack loves coloring, painting, gluing things, using scissors while supervised, or making any kind of craft. He also loves helping me make dinner. On a typical day you can find Jack reading books, riding his bike, playing with chalk, pretending to be a pirate, animal, or superhero, doing puzzles, and asking to pet every dog that walks by. He's Lillie's shadow and best friend. I think his other best friend would be his Grandma Julie. He's tender-hearted and all-boy. Jack wanted a Spiderman Birthday and specifically wanted two of his Nursery friends to come. All he wants for his Birthday is "a Spiderman Barbie."
We love you, Jack! Now please, please stop growing up.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Phlegm
Last Friday my tonsils grew to the size of kiwis.
The next day I was congested and had to breath out of my mouth while eating pizza.
Sunday was the Primary Program, and my congestion turned into my head-might-explode with eyes watering and sneezing.
Sunday night I realized my inflamed tonsils were covered in white spots.
Sunday SUPER late night Dustin picked up my Zpac prescription (my last refill).
Monday-Friday I spent 36 hours on campus, took 6 exams, and spent 35 hours doing homework all while getting less than 7 hours of sleep each night due to the above mentioned reasons.
Saturday I found out my bad never-ending cold was a scorching case of bronchitis.
Sunday: Dustin beat me at Monopoly.
Yesterday I found out my bronchitis resulted in laryngitis with blisters on my vocal chords from coughing.
On the downside, I probably passed on this bug to many fellow students thanks to the "zero absence" policy in most of my classes.
On the plus, I've stopped coughing up dime and nickle-sized solidified phlegm. That is a weird word.
The next day I was congested and had to breath out of my mouth while eating pizza.
Sunday was the Primary Program, and my congestion turned into my head-might-explode with eyes watering and sneezing.
Sunday night I realized my inflamed tonsils were covered in white spots.
Sunday SUPER late night Dustin picked up my Zpac prescription (my last refill).
Monday-Friday I spent 36 hours on campus, took 6 exams, and spent 35 hours doing homework all while getting less than 7 hours of sleep each night due to the above mentioned reasons.
Saturday I found out my bad never-ending cold was a scorching case of bronchitis.
Sunday: Dustin beat me at Monopoly.
Yesterday I found out my bronchitis resulted in laryngitis with blisters on my vocal chords from coughing.
On the downside, I probably passed on this bug to many fellow students thanks to the "zero absence" policy in most of my classes.
On the plus, I've stopped coughing up dime and nickle-sized solidified phlegm. That is a weird word.
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