Sleeping.
It's 2:50AM and I've been home from work for about 30 minutes. I'm having one of those nights where my mind is racing, and I can't fall asleep. Prolly because I'm stressed.
Now, those of you who really really really know me, know that I simply don't handle stress well. I get easily overwhelmed, lose patience, and cry and stuff. I've known about this little (ahem, big) problem I've had for years. Luckily, I was blessed to marry Mr. Dustin who is super laid back and very easy going. He balances me out perfectly and very patiently listens to me dramatize every detail of my life, then tells me he loves me and gives me a big hug.
I guess I'm just rambling on at this point, but I promise that I DO have something to say. If you don't really care about me, then I would suggest not wasting your time reading. It would be pretty boring to most people- but is therapeutic to me.
There are a few things going on right now that are making me feel a bit upset/stressed/overwhelmed.
#1
I'm super sad that some certain family members are moving away. I was so excited that Tyson married Alli because she's always been like a sister to me. You can't find a more kind, loyal, and honest friend. Sometimes I call her up and ramble on about everything and she listens. I'm pretty sure I'm in complete denial that she's leaving.
And of course Dustin is upset that his brother is moving. This is all from my point of view, but Tyson has played a very vital role for our family, especially the last year. He's helped us out in many times of crisis and is genuinly a carring person. Sometimes Dustin will get on a role about all the silly things those two would do to eachother growing up. It's crazy to think that after 20-some years of being enemy's, Tyson is now Dustin's closest friend.
I'm happy for their family. It sucks to move. I've never enjoyed uprooting my entire life and having to start over. It's not easy making new friends, figuring out where everything is, and feeling so disconnected from everything you know- but it really brings you closer as a family. All of our "adventures" have turned out to be incredible experiences that we wouldn't trade for anything. I know they'll be happy because they'll atleast have eachother.
#2
College. I start Wednesday (Sep 14th) and that will be the start of a 13-week sanity haitus for me. I will be driving to Rexburg and back 5 days a week and will be taking on a moderate load of 14 credits- including a math class (dun, dun, DUUUUNN!). Means Dustin is working buisilly, The chillins will be tended to via at-home daycare. I was blessed to have been reffered to this lady who has excellent references, serves healthy food, and does preschool along with childcare. AND IT'S AFFORDABLE! So why am I stressed? Because for 25 hours a week I will not be with my children. That may sound lame to some of you- but to me it's devestating. I (surprizingly) like my kids. I've never worked durring the day since Lillie was born and haven't been away from them very much, on purpose. I love being a mother, and I've always understood that I only have 20 years or so (1/5th of my life) to raise my children and I want to be at home and make sure I do the best that I can. It is, afterall, the most influencial and important job anyone could ever have. Sure, I sometimes randomly leave the house after Dustin gets home to drive to Target and walk around by all myself because the crying and tantrums get to me a little bit- but this is 25 hours a week for 20 months straight. I hate knowing that somebody else will be raising them. I don't know. I'm sure I'm dramatizing this also- but it's honestly how I feel.
(*disclaimer: I understand that every family and situation is different, and I'm not necessarily anti-daycare.)
#3
On top of school, I'm still working. And nope, I can't get out of that. My kindhearted boss told me I didn't have to work anymore on Tuesdays or Wednesdays, she's wonderful. Unfortunatly, I'm still working 2-3 nights a week. And those of you who really know me, or just kindof know me, know that I need my sleep or else I turn into some yotchy, critical, rude, unpleasant person.
Yeah. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. More than a disaster- it's a LIZASTER! (30Rock)
Gosh I'm tired.
5 comments:
You and I sound so similar. I dramatize and get so easily overwhelmed and yet I also have my hubby who is so laid back and can listen to me for hours. Nice stress relief. He is like my personal psychologist.
I hear you about school and having your children be watched by someone else BUT remember you are doing it for them. You are getting a degree. I had to keep going to finish a year and a half when Emily was little. i missed out on so much with her and i really cherished the time when Joshua was born because I could see my baby growing up not just 3 hours a day. It was heartbreaking yet I did what I needed to do for my family and my future. Remember to say your prayers every day and I know that Heavenly Father will make it all work out in His own special way. He loves you too much :) rely on Him and do what you have to do on your part.
I am sorry to hear about Justin's brother and his wife moving, it is so hard. It is also very hard for me in the military to have to say goodbyes to the dearest friends but it also gives me opportunity to meet more people and to make more wonderful friends that otherwise I would have to met. It is still sad when your best friends move and it will be ok. Just think they were there for you at those hard times for a reason. They were your angels who helped when you needed it and now it's time to let them go.
Erika though I don't know you that well but I did meet you couple times and you let us stay in Vegas that one night and took care of the car for us so you are practicaly family, haha Ok, the point is I hope you don't mind me when I post here :) I promise I am not some weirdo :), promise :)
Everything will work out, don't forget to think about your health as well while you go through these 13 weeks of craziness, it will all work out. Hugs.
You have every right to be stressing out. Going back to school is a big thing and 14 credit hours is no "moderate load", especially for a wife and mother.
You're setting a great example for your children and it sounds like you've found a wonderful place for them to spend time while you're away.
I don't know you "really really really well" but I feel I know you well enough to know that you didn't come by the decision to go back to school without lots of thought and prayer. Keep relying on your faith and remember that this is only temporary.
Take a deep breath, pray, and keep on moving. Those 20 months will be over before you know it! And I'm betting you'll do great in all your classes!
First off, anyone going through all that you are experiencing would be soon in a coma. You and Dustin have survived some incredible things and if anyone can handle all this madness, it's the two of you. I can't help but think back when Jack was born a few weeks early, you all caught the swine flu, and your next move was supposed to be to Kansas (I think...) in less than 2 months and no one could give you a straight answer. You guys have been through a lot. I hope you can still find some time somewhere to enjoy all that is going on. I really appreciate your comments about being home with your kids. It is a good reminder of how short it is. You are a good mom who is trying her best. You'll be able to make it work. We're all rooting for you!
Erika, talk about make me cry!! My heavens, I wasn't expecting that. First of all, I agree with Kristi!! That was such an insanely crazy time and you pulled through it like champs. I couldn't imagine doing that. And I think I would have a hard time being away from my kids too. It was hard enough working at Carino's after Brycen was born and going four hours a day not seeing him. Once you have to do it, it all of a sudden becomes very real and very much sucks. And I'm so super excited for you about school starting this week! I was going to text you last night after dinner and tell you that you were missed and to have a good day. Of course I spaced it. I'm so glad we're having a party on Friday night so we can actually sit down and talk! (PS Are you able to make it to that? If not we have to get together before we move.) I appreciate what you said about Tyson and I. It really means a lot and we're very grateful for the two of you. Tyson feels the same way about Dustin, he is his best friend. It's funny how our siblings/siblings-in-law can turn into your besties. :) We sure do love you guys and are going to miss you like crazy when we go. Thanks again for your words. You guys are two of the greatest people we know!
I know the feeling of stress! It sounds like you have a good partner to help you through it though. Also, I'm so glad you found someone you like for daycare. It has been a nightmare for me trying to find someone I trust so I now just have someone come to my house!
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